Please Be Kind

Something big is going on inside of me. My heart is warring with my body. Since Saturday I have realized how caught up in the world I became. It’s not me, and I used to pray that it never would be me. Its a downward, slippery slope. It starts with something different for everyone, but it always ends the same. This is all just a stream of consciousness, but it helps. It’s funny how my whole entire life I heard sermons and got preached at about how this would happen, but none of that helps. A person must experience it, and make the final decision on his or her own. I’m not sure what changed me, mostly the desire to be popular, but it’s funny that didn’t come until I was 20 years old. The other thing that turned me off to Jesus is the pressure of my school. Anywhere else, I am a good person, but at Liberty, if I am not 100% perfect then I fail. I learned that friends aren’t going to be there forever. The only people who will always be there is my family. My younger brother is the most important person in my life, and it has always been my purpose to protect him. How can I be a good example to him, when I am living my sinful, awful, double life? I’m getting rid of the GAH-BAGE for good this time. I’m doing me this semester (and God).  

Every single decision I made to rebel was conscience. I am am so so sick of living that empty lifestyle. I’m sick of hangovers. I’m sick of waking up scared in unknown houses. I’m sick of being a sneak and lying to my parents. I’m sick of saying the f word. And i’m so sick of being fat. This Friday starts 

Sober semester. 

Arms high and heart abandoned